The Crown Jewels - Garrick / Tour

This is exactly how I felt, had I known that it was an interactive show I wouldn’t have booked, never mind sit in the front row as I also have pretty severe anxiety.

I was literally on edge for the whole evening and had a headache after with the sheer panic that Al was going to pick me. He actually selected the person sitting next to me and made fun of his glasses (Hilarious I know) and I almost had an aneurysm thinking he was looking at me at first.

I had in my mind that if he did select me then I would simply ignore him until he gave up, but during the part where he asked a man to stand up and recite his name and where he was from, Carrie was also on stage as the kings mistress, and was also chanting cmon get up and waving her hands as if to suggest get out of your seat to the man, so I can imagine the pressure would be too much to say no!

Basically it’s someone who suffers from anxiety’s worst nightmare and it really should be advertised as being that kind of show - call me naive, but I honestly thought I was going to see a lighthearted historical play with some singing, not a borderline offensive Al Murray stand up show with a plot thrown in.

Saw this tonight, and it's not very good, though there are enough laughs that it isn't a total washout, and Carrie Hope Fletcher is a saving grace of the production.

As regards the interactivity, only the front row was seriously harassed (though for the less anxious, there are two excellent comedy moments that victims will be dining out on for years), and nobody behind Row B was picked on at all. For safety's sake, if you are Row D of the stalls, or behind that, I'd think you can rest easy.

As far as that shrivelled knob of shrunken humanity that stuck his leg out, in the anecdote above, is concerned, it's a shame Al Murray didn't see it and roast him the entire night. It's not just that it's totally uncalled for to make somebody feel bad, like that, but as the ladies is on the left side of the theatre, and the gents is on the right, there are actually good reasons to cross from one side of the auditorium to the other, and back again.

Some spoilers follow. . .

At the beginning of this, we are told it's a true story, and that's undoubtedly the reason this production isn't funny enough. Conformity to the facts of the story of Colonel Blood's notorious attempt to steal the Crown Jewels results in the cardinal sin of the principals lacking comedy characterisation. Blood and his gang are just not funny, in themselves, even if the facts of their true life plot are absurd and astonishing.

Most good laughs come from comedy characterisation: the audience learns the character, predicts how they will behave, and laughs when they do it, or don't do it.

Luckily, there are some good comedy characters on the periphery of the robbery plot:-

(1) Carrie Hope Fletcher's brat who loudly disrespects her parents, but fawns over potential suitors, is a comic archetype that Fletcher plays to the hilt. Couple that with the fact she sings 4 and a bit ok-ish songs beautifully, and she's the show's highlight;

(2) Adonis Siddique's wide-eyed yes-man Footman, with a funny moustache, who lives in terror of the King's whims, and barks out instant agreement with everything the King says, is a hoot every time he does it;

(3) and one of the peripheral plotters is an actress, characterised as an egotist obsessed with her own performance, so Tanvi Virmani scores some big laughs every time she indulgently demonstrates her larger-than-life acting skills.

Al Murray, as King Charles II, should be funnier than he is, given his established stand-up persona, as a bigoted blunt instrument who cuts through flowery targets, but here, the fact of the real Charles II's fondness for France undercuts Murray's typical anti-French shtick, and the substitute of his supposed hatred of the Dutch doesn't really work as we just don't understand any reasons he would hate them, so the joke is too thin for big laughs.

Indeed, Murray has two very funny moments, and one is anti-French after all (the French may go in for handrails, but we English don't do "safety"). The other funny moment is the funniest moment in the whole show and involves a member of the front row and Al Murray at his punchy stand-up best!

Mel Giedroyc gurns wonderfully, but in a part with no established character traits, so it's in her secondary more minor part, as a French Noblewoman, that she gets good laughs out of her comic skills, culminating in the other front row victim with a happy story to tell, and the second biggest laugh of the show.

All in all, the unfunny plotters do what the real Colonel Blood did, and it just isn't funny or entertaining, yet the laughs on the periphery, coupled with Carrie Hope Fletcher's singing, lifted this to a worthwhile 2 and a half stars for me.

PS: We got out at 9:40pm tonight, making the current running time (including one interval) 2 hours and 10 minutes, but I think by press night, the plan is to get the run time down to 2 hours total, as advertised.

Yes, the reason for me crossing was exactly because I was at the toilets which are on the other side! Unfortunately it happened about 15 minutes before show time, but I have to admit I was very pleased when a massive drop of water from Carrie's bowl landed straight on the man's head in the opening minutes of the show - karma anyone?

In terms of the interaction, Al pointed out and interacted with a lady in the front row of the circle on the night I was there. I felt that it was incredibly strange as you could barely hear her answers, so maybe he's been given notes to stop that and sticks to the front stalls now.

I also found the constant anti French and Dutch jokes so incredibly unfunny as there was just no basis for them.

I've seen CHF in a couple of more acting driven things where I've felt she was the weakest by far, but she totally saves this show from disaster.

A friend went to see this last night, said there is a lot of 'interaction' with the front rows still

Well this sounds as terrible as it looks- judging by the reviews I’ve read so far

They should have involved the critics in the audience participation, that would have surely converted some of those outlier 2* reviews into 1* with all the rest. I fondly remember a Guardian review Billington wrote once of a promenade fringe production where they had thrown a bucket of water over him.

Surely the tour dates will be cancelled?

Kieran Brown is on tonight but not as the footman or his other cover roles as King Charles II or Colonel Blood. If anyone is there, please let me know which role he plays as he’s keeping it under wraps.

Was in London today and was offered free tickets for this!

I'd still pass 😂

I actually found this very enjoyable. Certainly a lot of laughs. Much better than Bleak Expectations had been.